An empty stage, brightly lit, sits empty. Then a shoe flies from stage left right into the middle of the stage. Then another shoe, and another. By the end of the opening sequence a street shoe stall had been thrown onto the stage and then seemingly confused ajjumas appear and act as if they are shopping with a male barker helping them find the shoes of their dreams. They put their shoes back on and the group of about 10 ajjumas, one ajoshi, and a random young guy slowly begin to enter a drum circle, it seems, and start hippie-style interpretive dancing to Korean trot music. At one point they have a circle mirror dance going where everyone is following the unchoreographed moves of one of their own at a music stand before that devolves into a conga line that includes random rump whacks.
This was the first dance at the Nowon Comic Dance Festival held at the Nowon Arts and Culture Center near Hagye Station. I had passed the poster while walking one day and could not justify missing out on such a treasure of a find. How can you pass up a dance show that promises to feature “dong chim” as a dance move? The MERS scare may have helped clear out the audience, or the dancing did, the show was pretty sparse, but I pressed on. It was a little disappointing that no pictures or video were allowed, so you will have to use my words to comfort you in this troubling time.
First, I went to the free opening act on the 5th floor that featured the Nowon red hat society dance practicing on stage for the next trot concert they will attend that I mentioned above. The second dance featured four young art students in underwear. It started with a modern interpretive dance that devolved into a seizure inducing trance strobe fest where an entire McDonalds ball pit got thrown on-stage. Then it progressed into a repetitive zoo animal-esque path walking routine while yelling “I’m not tired” that continued to absurdity in the Kaufman-style until a large blue yoga ball was flung into the group from off stage and they collapsed.
I went down stairs to see the main event while they cleaned up the balls and returned them to McDonalds. It was more crowded downstairs. I was asked if I knew one of the performers, presumably because no one but friends were showing up to this show. I did not. I was a real audience member off the street. And this is a real account of what my eyes witnessed.
Mask Lovers (Her Her HA HA) was what appeared to be a traditional Korean mask dance, but it came with a twist - cheating. It was two people finding each other, then the man going off and dancing alone behind her back. Then she caught him and forgave him, repeatedly. Then the plot thickened when the masks were taken off at the bow only to discover they were both guys all along. Which was obvious from the movement and Adam’s apple on the female character. It was far too lengthy, but that was a theme at this show, it turned out.
Chinese Cucumber and Heels Dance (Happily We Dance Along) started with the sounds of heels walking across a wood floor. Then a man in a sarong and high heels walked across the stage. After that, the five other performers came out in silk outfits and did a pretty normal contemporary dance that eventually finished with them all leaving the stage and returning with cucumbers and an extended phallic joke commenced. At one point, between the several costume changes, the performers came off stage to battle audience members in a slow-motion sword fight with cucumbers culminating in a battle between one of the male performers and the man with heels from the beginning. The heeled man eventually ended up on stage and broke his cucumber only to have the rest of the cast turn on him and crowd over him about ready to pounce while he sobbed in the fetal position. Lights out.
Gay Boys in Jammies (Jimmy & Jack) was two men dressed as little boys with pajamas on that were playing together. They eventually discovered girls, apparently, by exiting the stage and creepily touching a random girl in the audience. The audio track, which switched between music and a Korean speaking kindergarten English to the little boys, started asking what the boys were doing. One of the boys dropped trou showing the audience, which included children, a nice shot of his nude glutes. Then they discovered each others’ penises and began patting each others’ penises from a squat position and an underhand pat like they were playing ping pong with each others’ ding dong while the audio voice over kept saying “shat, oh, shat”.
Japanese Girls Covered in Stuffed Animals (Odorubaka) was the next act. Three Japanese girls wearing leotards with stuffed animals attached to them covering their bodies like a faux-fur coat that E.T. might have made from his hiding spot in Elliot’s bedroom. They danced in a faux-robotic way recreating old Japanese dances from, what looked like an old film reel, that were being projected above them on the wall. Perfectly unemotional faces on each as they recreated a creepy dance that included an old man and a very young girl that seemed like a paedophile showing her to his room.
The Finnish Dancer that wouldn’t Finish (A Man Without a Shade in his Soul) was the most talented dancer of the bunch. He was clearly well trained in technique, but apparently less so in excitement and timing. He was doing all the typical contemporary moves you might see on So You Think You Can Dance, but with an audio track from the Smooth Jazz radio station. My eyes were closing as fast as a woman’s legs after hearing the musician she’s on a date with is actually in a Smooth Jazz ensemble. Once the audience was sufficiently drained of any semblance to continue with their lives, he finished and saved many lives from the inevitable mass suicide that was just around the corner had he continued.
The Hong Kong Trash Collectors (Bolero) were a throwback to the ajjumas upstairs at the beginning, but younger and Chinesier. They were also doing some nice hippie shaking, but with much better choreography, and by that I mean - some choreography. My mind has done me the favor of forgetting much of the opening sequence, but eventually they pulled out red plastic bags and acted like they were trash collectors with Parkenson’s disease. I thought it was offensive, too. Then they left the stage and pulled some audience members up to participate in the dance because they had not planned a good dance on their own. Of course, I was pulled up on stage because I stick out in a dark theater like the Holy Grail that will melt your face. I wandered aimlessly around on stage and eventually figured out what they wanted me to do, which was to just catch and release the bag straight in front of me alternating hands. Then someone put some plastic in my mouth, and then we all fell to the ground, but I had no posies in my pocket.
This was the end. We left and people were taking pictures with the performers in the lobby, but they had already changed out of their outfits, so I didn't bother. This performance ran for a whole week. A whole week! They even had workshops during the week. For what, you might ask. Good question.
Using the Shia LaBeouf scale of weirdness, a 1 being "starring in Transformers" and a 10 being "emailing a nude pic to a director", I'd give this a solid 7, or "wearing a bag on your head to a movie premiere". Entertaining, but mostly forgettable.